Twin Flames Pt. 1

I honor you by honoring myself. 

Twin Flames.

I love the concept. That you as a being. Your essence. Is shared with another. That your energy that composes your essence has traveled through time together. I do believe in twin flames. Perhaps though to understand our role outside of the limited framework of one who is the same as I. I have a twin flame. I’ve never met him in the form that I know him as. But I have met pieces of him. See folks will tell me that that’s not how it works. That this energy is embodied in one being. I don’t believe that to be true. It cannot be for I have seen glimpses of him in my lovers, friends, and family. There’s a role that I play with him in several forms. In as much as my energy travels and is held in different vessels as needed so does his. When I am lonely he comes. When I question my path he is there to guide. 

In my most recent partnership the connection was that of a twin flame meant to be extinguished. Again, they will tell me that is false. That is was not a true twin flame connection. Or that we are in a runner/chaser situation. Ha! No no see one must understand the energy that they carry in order to understand the connection that they make. 

See I hold the energy of a sacred whore. That which tells the tales of the greatest love stories. Inanna/Demuzi, Isis/Osiris, Jesus/Mary Magdalene. Since I had no understanding of what was happening or who I was I did not realize that the relationship that I was in was set to end. That my beloved would play that role perfectly. For as I journeyed to the underworld uniting my dark and light a trade had to be made. As was the case with Inanna and the the many who have come before and will come after my beloved took my place within the underworld. As he saw himself as a dark lord anyway I'm sure he feels quite at home. On this plane our bond has passed for when I went below I left him in my place. We are still linked but our work is complete. It is comforting to know even though it was devastating at the time. But that is the path of the beloved. Grieving of the loss of life and the return to rule. 

With that the energy that was held there shifted to another. Now portions of my twin flame have resided here with this one for quite some time. His energy has shifted here for when I need protection and support.

Define your life and being for yourself. Everyone will try to tell you what your life should be like.What your spiritual connections are. That there's only one or that this one will feel/look/taste/be a certain way. No one knows what your way is and what will exist for you. At times we are not even aware. So there will be tons who aim to tell you. No that's not a twin flame connection. Or no that's not your soul mate. Quiet yourself. Go within. You will know. 

-Rose

Supporting Yourself by Supporting Those You Love

Happy New Year!!! Or if you don't follow the Gregorian calendar then hello January :)

This is often a hard part of the year for many. Stress from family, finances, our own hopes and dreams can weigh us down in ways that feel like we are trying to swim through sand. I would say this year had the potential to be this way for me.

Last year I was grieving the loss of a relationship and not doing very well emotionally. I honestly can't even recall where I was New Year's 2015. This year though the holiday season was bright and cheery. I honestly felt some of that yuletide joy. I decorated for winter solstice, yule, and a little Christmas even. As you all know I am a practicing witch for lack of better terms. So I left much of what is associated with Christmas as the birth of Jesus Christ behind quite some time ago. What I gained though was an appreciation for all beings and their beliefs. So as the holidays come up I just felt all the joy and anticipation that everyone else was feeling.

New Years though...that was a bit different. In listening to my desires and following my higher self I felt compelled to seek country, solitude and water. Since I am heading to Puerto Rico in early January I pushed that desire aside. Not a wise choice. Thus around December 29th I felt restless. I wanted to be cared for and pampered but also left alone. It was a confusing feeling. I knew that I wanted to see my friend but with him being very far away that wasn't possible on such short notice. We made plans though to video chat though on New Years Eve and it made everything feel like it was in alignment. New Year's Eve I got a message from my friend that a family member had died. My heart broke for him.

Now a little bit about me. I have never experienced the death of anyone close to me. No family members, friends, or colleagues. Death is a being that has generally passed by me and those I love. So I don't cope well with the news of others passing and am not the best person to seek support from at that time. (I am not proud of this, in fact I am working hard to be present more and able to at least hold space for those as they grieve death). I sent the customary condolences and said to take his time with what he needed but that was about the extent of things. In fact I went back to planning my outfit for that night.

Needless to say, he showed up late in a horrible mood. We had an alright conversation but I was really peeved at his being late. New Year's Day,we talked a bit about what happened and how best to deal with things. Then the conversation went totally sideways while we discussed plans for a spring time trip. At first I was just confused as he was fine for one moment then very defensive. I took a step back. This wasn't normal behavior for him. We hadn't discussed anything ut of the ordinary for us. Clearly there was something going on that I had missed.

See this isn't a post about holding space as others grieve (that will come later) this is an emotional/psychological victory post. Had this been even 3 months ago, had this interaction occurred I would have immediately been defensive. It would have ruined my night as I went back and forth blaming myself for the fact that the conversation went left. Last night though, I was able to stay present and realize that this was not my fault but something else that I wasn't quite following. Something was going on with him which led to this reaction.

Well recall my lack of coping knowledge with death? Yea, I had already pretty much moved on from that information he had shared with me without the awareness that he would be grieving. That doesn't excuse his behavior but it does explain why he became so defensive so quickly as I brought up and pushed for things without acknowledging that now might not be the best time to talk about taking trips, spending money, and all the things that I wanted with no regard that he was hurting.

Being present allowed for me to not attack when he was already obviously down in a way that I had overlooked. Although I still would like to handle things differently next time I am overjoyed that I did not let that experience throw off my equilibrium. As such now I am looking at how does one support a loved one who is grieving? Recognizing that I am fully capable of caring for myself and that none of my needs are going unmet thus there is no ego threat and I can fully  support him at this time.

It is exciting to grow. I'm improving on being there for myself, now I get to balance that with caring for others.

2016 is going to be a beautiful year.

-Rose

It's time to set intentions and start anew!

This Christmas was not only a joyful time since it occurred on a Friday the day of love and joy but also because we are blessed to have the full moon occur tonight as well. That means it's time to release things that no longer serve us and determine long term intentions for the upcoming seasons. Although many are setting their new intentions for the new year according to the Gregorian calendar, when following the seasons things are slightly different. 

Spring is planting

Summer growing season

Fall is for harvesting

Winter is the season to rest and plan

Therefore although winter is the time to plan for what one wants to put into place, implementation is to be reserved for the spring. Now, this does not mean that if the timing is not right that one should not act but more so to give oneself the time and permission to let things flow. Give your ideas tine to gestate. Give yourself permission to take the time to fully put together a plan without the pressure to immediately act. Following the season also serves the purpose to allow one to have time to plan but also holds time to act. So for us procrastinators even though we may want to do nothing more then plan and plan without ever actually acting when spring comes it is inevitable that we will plant the seeds that that will grow and bloom into manifestation. 

Give yourself time to plan. Give yourself time to create. Give yourself time. There is always plenty of it and all things come in divine timing. We can rush or wait and either way what will happen will happen. Hate these vague sayings? It's alright most people do and yet they tend to ring true. 

So let's get some plans in place and when the time comes we will act without fear or trepidation. 

- Rose 

Closure

Over the past few days I have been connecting with some old partners. I was feeling low and was in destroyer mode which made me desire to access what all happened in my past 2 romantic relationships. It has been an eye opening and affirming adventure.

Today I spoke with one of my old loves. It was a pleasant conversation. We caught up on each others lives and just talked. As we did though the feelings that I had of wanting to be in a relationship with myself intensified. I didn't feel any pushes to rekindle the flame or see if this partnership was something that I needed to give another try.

I'll admit. During our earlier exchanges I did have a couple of romantic feelings come back up. I thought about the connection we had and the sex which was AMAZING. Then I thought about all the ways in which things didn't flow with ease. I knew deep down that friendship was where we needed to be if any type of relationship were to occur between us but I struggled with standing firmly in that decision.

No longer. Affirmation received.

The other partnership I explored had an interesting conclusion.
Last night as I floated in that in between conscious and sleep state, I had a memory of a past interaction that he and I had. I was on a throne at the front of the room and he was kneeling on the floor. My partner sat next to me along with the rest of the court. I told him that he had failed to succeed at his quest and could not obtain the mysteries he so wanted to receive from me. It was not in a gloating or superior fashion. It was just the truth of what had occurred. The part that really brought me joy was when I said "you have many life times though. Try again." Oh my goodness!!! It was like yes!!! This is what I had been experiencing like we had been in this game time and time again. It's been the same case where trust is meant to be made in order to share inner portions of my being. Trust has never been established though so the sharing has never occurred. The other day though I felt complete closure. I didn't understand it. It was like we were no longer connected. That memory made everything clear. I understood. The opportunity to unite was over.  Now it was time to move on to the next quest.

I am so excited to stand in my being. Love myself fiercely and live in bliss.

-Rose

Sunday Salutations,

Last night I did it. I got up around 4 am and turn on the central heating. It's officially cold.
 Now for anyone that knows me cold is pretty much anything under 70 degrees. Now I know I know that's not really cold. For most people. Me though, born and raised in Houston, Texas. I don't do cold. In fact, I'm still putting together my escape plan to move to the tropics. Some where nice and close to the equator.



As per usual with the weather turning cooler I have been wanting less and less to get out of bed in the morning. But once I turned that heater on. I was golden. It was just like old times when it was warm outside.

Adjusting to the seasons has become less and less of an issue as I've aged. With climate change and all of the issues happening within the environment, the weather is definitely changing. Moving up to North Texas made me realize this more than ever. Ice, snow, freezing temperatures are more than I signed up for but either way I am still here sticking it out.

This is perfect outdoor workout weather. With all the rain we experienced this weekend it was lovely to be outside without running the risk of getting caught in a down pour. So out I went for a quick 4 mile stroll. I've been working on increasing my movement and making sure that I hit my 10,000 steps a day which is much harder than I thought it would be. I have some wellness endeavors and I am super excited with the progress that I am making.

But excitement isn't everything. Now is the time to be grateful. To fine tune what desire to have come forth in my life.

So here's my quick list of gratitude.

Health
joy
a vehicle that runs well
a steady place of employment
a home
ability to be able to turn on the central heating/air
food to eat everyday
delightful, loving, and caring friends and family

What are you grateful for?

-Rose

Self-Care is...well you know the rest

Today in honor of a presentation I did on self-care, I spent some time caring for myself. First, it has been raining like crazy here but amazingly enough it stopped this morning. So although I was feeling a bit low, I got up and went on a walk. 

Let's back track a bit though. It's my moon time (yes, I am super open. No I do not care), and I had been feeling a little all over the place. I recalled that when I was in my last relationship I would often pick up the vibes of my partner. Although we haven't been together for about 2 months, the thought came to me that perhaps these feelings weren't my own. So the thought crossed my head to check in with him although I hadn't spoken to him in about 4 months (don't do the math from time of end of relationship to last communication, it was a difficult moment in time). So I did what any normal girl does and said well I'll check in on Facebook and see if there's anything going on so I don't just sound like psychic Rose strikes again. FYI, psychic Rose never ends well. Well comes to find out, I had shared some insight with him that he had posted under his own name. As if he had come up with it. I'm pretty sure there's an intellectual theft going on there. I was super mad when I saw it. I couldn't believe it because that was mine! I came up with it, it came from my mind. Then I said...oh remember when I working on cutting my energetic ties to him? Well guess what this was a symbol that it was WORKING! Because energetic parasites when their source starts to dry up need to jar the lines again and get some blood flowing. Well our line was drying up and guess what the claws were digging in to to try to get some new energy. Light bulb, ah ha moment here. I said omg, I'm doing it! So I went through my cleansing system again and began to go over what was really going on here with me. 

Fast forward to my walk. I felt so pumped knowing that the well was drying up that I was ready to let go of my melancholy and get moving. So I went on my usual walking path around the neighborhood. While I walked I contemplated on my relationship to the sun and moon. See I have always had resistance to the association between women, femininity, the Goddess, and the moon. The moon just didn't do it for me. I'm not a bit night time person. I feel that night time is for sleeping. I'm a sun worshiper. I can spend ridiculous times in the sun. I just love the sun and being warm. So I go over and over why I have resistance to the moon. Portions are tied to seeing the moon as lesser than the sun because the moon reflects the sun's light. Then I said hmmm, let me look into that. So I googled how the moon reflects the sun's light and came across this site http://www.universetoday.com/75891/why-does-the-moon-shine/. 

While reading through the information that was pretty amazing, I came across an interesting tidbit about Venus. Venus it seems is one of the planets that can cast a shadow. MIND BLOWN!!! I have been doing shade work for quite some time (shade is my term for shadow). Usually my work centered on the sun, with a little bit of influence from the moon. Now though I am incorporating Venus into the mix. I cannot wait to see what comes through :). All in all though my walk, this work, my writing. My creativity. My expression is back. I had a slow flow of creative production after the end of my last relationship. but I'm so excited to see things coming about. 

But this this is self-care. It's not just the hippy dippy sitting in the lotus position taking yoni breaths. Working through your ish. Caring for your body. Expressing yourself. I felt so much more present and aware than I had felt in quite some time. It made me want to do more. With my self-care presentation that afternoon, I had to practice what I preach. So I rested. I went over my presentation feeling calm, focused, and under no pressure. 

How was the presentation? Amazing! In honor of my topic I took myself to my favorite spot, Barnes and Nobles to treat myself to a leisurely stroll through the books. Ran into a delightful friend and am now relaxing with cinnamon tea with apple cider vinegar and honey. Here's to doing the work, loving yourself and being whole. 

- Rose

Thoughts on Judgment

Just stopping in for a bit.

I have been doing my work and having quite a few thoughts on judgment. Repeatedly I have run up against being judgmental. It has been something that I have ignored, denied, but truly never really did the work to not judge. For a while during the summer of 2012, I did get to a point where I focused my attention on seeing the beauty in everyone. That was also the summer I stopped eating meat and spent my days working out, meditating, and doing homework. Need less to say, when my diet got to the point where even the slightest bit of animal products made me physically ill, I began to incorporate more animal products into my diet in order to be able to be quite so sensitive. Thus I returned slowly to my usual ways.

After 2 relationships of growth, a promotion, 2 graduate degrees, and 30 additional lbs, I'm back to cleaning/releasing some areas in my life. After releasing blocks found during a journey to the underworld I'm now focusing on judgment. Let me tell you, I did not realize just how invasive this was in my life. Driving around town there's comments that fly through my head about the types of cars that people drive, the people in the cars, the buildings, everything. I have to retrain my thoughts completely in order to take in the information without making judgments about what is coming through.

What I have done so far is begin to use the techniques I did that summer and see everyone and everything as energy. It allows me to be able to look beyond what is on the external and focus on the energetic makeup of beings. I find it truly works for me and I enjoy it. I also am practicing being present through meta-cognition in order to catch my judgmental thoughts when they occur and turn them around. I'm now at the point where before the thoughts begin I'm already redirecting towards beauty, transparency, and openness. This is exciting but quite a bit of work. How do you deal with judgment?

I'm also working on not judging those who judge, When someone shows distaste of a person or group not showing the same distaste for that person. I will slowly work this out and hopefully remember to share.

Good night!
Rose