Closure

Over the past few days I have been connecting with some old partners. I was feeling low and was in destroyer mode which made me desire to access what all happened in my past 2 romantic relationships. It has been an eye opening and affirming adventure.

Today I spoke with one of my old loves. It was a pleasant conversation. We caught up on each others lives and just talked. As we did though the feelings that I had of wanting to be in a relationship with myself intensified. I didn't feel any pushes to rekindle the flame or see if this partnership was something that I needed to give another try.

I'll admit. During our earlier exchanges I did have a couple of romantic feelings come back up. I thought about the connection we had and the sex which was AMAZING. Then I thought about all the ways in which things didn't flow with ease. I knew deep down that friendship was where we needed to be if any type of relationship were to occur between us but I struggled with standing firmly in that decision.

No longer. Affirmation received.

The other partnership I explored had an interesting conclusion.
Last night as I floated in that in between conscious and sleep state, I had a memory of a past interaction that he and I had. I was on a throne at the front of the room and he was kneeling on the floor. My partner sat next to me along with the rest of the court. I told him that he had failed to succeed at his quest and could not obtain the mysteries he so wanted to receive from me. It was not in a gloating or superior fashion. It was just the truth of what had occurred. The part that really brought me joy was when I said "you have many life times though. Try again." Oh my goodness!!! It was like yes!!! This is what I had been experiencing like we had been in this game time and time again. It's been the same case where trust is meant to be made in order to share inner portions of my being. Trust has never been established though so the sharing has never occurred. The other day though I felt complete closure. I didn't understand it. It was like we were no longer connected. That memory made everything clear. I understood. The opportunity to unite was over.  Now it was time to move on to the next quest.

I am so excited to stand in my being. Love myself fiercely and live in bliss.

-Rose

Sunday Salutations,

Last night I did it. I got up around 4 am and turn on the central heating. It's officially cold.
 Now for anyone that knows me cold is pretty much anything under 70 degrees. Now I know I know that's not really cold. For most people. Me though, born and raised in Houston, Texas. I don't do cold. In fact, I'm still putting together my escape plan to move to the tropics. Some where nice and close to the equator.



As per usual with the weather turning cooler I have been wanting less and less to get out of bed in the morning. But once I turned that heater on. I was golden. It was just like old times when it was warm outside.

Adjusting to the seasons has become less and less of an issue as I've aged. With climate change and all of the issues happening within the environment, the weather is definitely changing. Moving up to North Texas made me realize this more than ever. Ice, snow, freezing temperatures are more than I signed up for but either way I am still here sticking it out.

This is perfect outdoor workout weather. With all the rain we experienced this weekend it was lovely to be outside without running the risk of getting caught in a down pour. So out I went for a quick 4 mile stroll. I've been working on increasing my movement and making sure that I hit my 10,000 steps a day which is much harder than I thought it would be. I have some wellness endeavors and I am super excited with the progress that I am making.

But excitement isn't everything. Now is the time to be grateful. To fine tune what desire to have come forth in my life.

So here's my quick list of gratitude.

Health
joy
a vehicle that runs well
a steady place of employment
a home
ability to be able to turn on the central heating/air
food to eat everyday
delightful, loving, and caring friends and family

What are you grateful for?

-Rose

Self-Care is...well you know the rest

Today in honor of a presentation I did on self-care, I spent some time caring for myself. First, it has been raining like crazy here but amazingly enough it stopped this morning. So although I was feeling a bit low, I got up and went on a walk. 

Let's back track a bit though. It's my moon time (yes, I am super open. No I do not care), and I had been feeling a little all over the place. I recalled that when I was in my last relationship I would often pick up the vibes of my partner. Although we haven't been together for about 2 months, the thought came to me that perhaps these feelings weren't my own. So the thought crossed my head to check in with him although I hadn't spoken to him in about 4 months (don't do the math from time of end of relationship to last communication, it was a difficult moment in time). So I did what any normal girl does and said well I'll check in on Facebook and see if there's anything going on so I don't just sound like psychic Rose strikes again. FYI, psychic Rose never ends well. Well comes to find out, I had shared some insight with him that he had posted under his own name. As if he had come up with it. I'm pretty sure there's an intellectual theft going on there. I was super mad when I saw it. I couldn't believe it because that was mine! I came up with it, it came from my mind. Then I said...oh remember when I working on cutting my energetic ties to him? Well guess what this was a symbol that it was WORKING! Because energetic parasites when their source starts to dry up need to jar the lines again and get some blood flowing. Well our line was drying up and guess what the claws were digging in to to try to get some new energy. Light bulb, ah ha moment here. I said omg, I'm doing it! So I went through my cleansing system again and began to go over what was really going on here with me. 

Fast forward to my walk. I felt so pumped knowing that the well was drying up that I was ready to let go of my melancholy and get moving. So I went on my usual walking path around the neighborhood. While I walked I contemplated on my relationship to the sun and moon. See I have always had resistance to the association between women, femininity, the Goddess, and the moon. The moon just didn't do it for me. I'm not a bit night time person. I feel that night time is for sleeping. I'm a sun worshiper. I can spend ridiculous times in the sun. I just love the sun and being warm. So I go over and over why I have resistance to the moon. Portions are tied to seeing the moon as lesser than the sun because the moon reflects the sun's light. Then I said hmmm, let me look into that. So I googled how the moon reflects the sun's light and came across this site http://www.universetoday.com/75891/why-does-the-moon-shine/. 

While reading through the information that was pretty amazing, I came across an interesting tidbit about Venus. Venus it seems is one of the planets that can cast a shadow. MIND BLOWN!!! I have been doing shade work for quite some time (shade is my term for shadow). Usually my work centered on the sun, with a little bit of influence from the moon. Now though I am incorporating Venus into the mix. I cannot wait to see what comes through :). All in all though my walk, this work, my writing. My creativity. My expression is back. I had a slow flow of creative production after the end of my last relationship. but I'm so excited to see things coming about. 

But this this is self-care. It's not just the hippy dippy sitting in the lotus position taking yoni breaths. Working through your ish. Caring for your body. Expressing yourself. I felt so much more present and aware than I had felt in quite some time. It made me want to do more. With my self-care presentation that afternoon, I had to practice what I preach. So I rested. I went over my presentation feeling calm, focused, and under no pressure. 

How was the presentation? Amazing! In honor of my topic I took myself to my favorite spot, Barnes and Nobles to treat myself to a leisurely stroll through the books. Ran into a delightful friend and am now relaxing with cinnamon tea with apple cider vinegar and honey. Here's to doing the work, loving yourself and being whole. 

- Rose

Thoughts on Judgment

Just stopping in for a bit.

I have been doing my work and having quite a few thoughts on judgment. Repeatedly I have run up against being judgmental. It has been something that I have ignored, denied, but truly never really did the work to not judge. For a while during the summer of 2012, I did get to a point where I focused my attention on seeing the beauty in everyone. That was also the summer I stopped eating meat and spent my days working out, meditating, and doing homework. Need less to say, when my diet got to the point where even the slightest bit of animal products made me physically ill, I began to incorporate more animal products into my diet in order to be able to be quite so sensitive. Thus I returned slowly to my usual ways.

After 2 relationships of growth, a promotion, 2 graduate degrees, and 30 additional lbs, I'm back to cleaning/releasing some areas in my life. After releasing blocks found during a journey to the underworld I'm now focusing on judgment. Let me tell you, I did not realize just how invasive this was in my life. Driving around town there's comments that fly through my head about the types of cars that people drive, the people in the cars, the buildings, everything. I have to retrain my thoughts completely in order to take in the information without making judgments about what is coming through.

What I have done so far is begin to use the techniques I did that summer and see everyone and everything as energy. It allows me to be able to look beyond what is on the external and focus on the energetic makeup of beings. I find it truly works for me and I enjoy it. I also am practicing being present through meta-cognition in order to catch my judgmental thoughts when they occur and turn them around. I'm now at the point where before the thoughts begin I'm already redirecting towards beauty, transparency, and openness. This is exciting but quite a bit of work. How do you deal with judgment?

I'm also working on not judging those who judge, When someone shows distaste of a person or group not showing the same distaste for that person. I will slowly work this out and hopefully remember to share.

Good night!
Rose

I'm Back

Wow, I can't believe that the last time I wrote in my private journal was a month ago. I can’t believe it’s been that long since I wrote. I should have been reflecting but shoulda woula coulda. #Sorrynotsorry. What I’ve found over the past 5 months was another 20 lbs, love, my voice, and two new goals to pursue. I’m going with the flow and letting go of resistance so I won’t touch what I no longer have. But it’s a good thing either way.

            Focus. That’s what I’ve been spending my time working on. Putting my attention towards what I want and what brings me joy. Things didn’t quite go as I had planned, they went even better. I let go. I was disappointed. I let go. I was mad. I let go. It was an amazing revelation when I had been holding on to some negative emotions. What some would call low vibration emotions. One’s that were detrimental to my relationships with myself and with others. I let it go. Said be selfish. What would make you happy right now? At first I immediately turned to food. Chocolate my addiction but then I said, no go get your smoothie (yes it’s chocolate flavored…that is not important), buy yourself Will Travel for Vegan Food to read on your computer, relax with some tea, and enjoy my evening. That’s exactly what I did.

With Love and Light,

Rose

Moving Forward

Well at least it didn't take a whole year this time to come back!

Random thoughts that I have had:

Netflix: Please update your movies. I am trying to watch good shows while I finish out the year.
Blake Lively: I love you, please make more movies.
In the words of the misguided Kim Kardashian: It shoulda been me!! Thought I have every time I see a happy couple. Did I mention I'm going through a 4 season relationship cleanse to heal from the relationship I just released about a week ago. *sigh* Time to heal folks.

Rose

Biggest Loser 2014....The Psychology Behind Weight Loss

*Disclaimer-although I do hold a BA in psychology (who doesn't) I am not trained to assess or diagnose clinical or abnormal disorders.

It took all night for me to be able to process what I saw last night. I don't normally watch much television any more. I just don't find it to be very entertaining. But since I am trying to do less work and relax more I decided to watch some network television. Now I have never watched Biggest Loser, and who knew that this was their 14th season! I was like really? How did anyone watch this thing for 14 seasons. But as I watched more of the show it was interesting to watch the interactions of the "contestants". Now I don't support the premise of Biggest Loser because it always seemed like a show that rested on unhealthy weight loss extremes to provide entertainment and not so much in dealing with the emotional, mental, and psychological issues that have lead many of its participants to gain weight.

Regardless, I watched about the last 7 episodes or so and thought it would be exciting to watch the finale while I prepared my smoothies for the next day. I knew that the three finalists would have the most dramatic results as they had the most to "lose". I also figured that the lead contender Rachel Frederickson would most likely have an extreme result as she seemed to be so competitive and determined to win. I figured though that she would tone up and maybe slim down a bit.



What actually appeared was something altogether different. I don't believe in the practice of fat, slim, or skinny shaming but in a competition where one's percentage of weight loss is the deciding factor of whether one succeeds and wins the prize...I think we have finally seen the evidence of what this could really mean. Rachel had a starting weight of 260 and at the end of the show weighed in at 105 lbs at 5'4. Now I know there are issues with BMI, but most focus on the issues at the higher end of scale but I would like to take a look at the lower end classified as underweight. Those numbers as they stand put her at a BMI of 18 slightly under the cut off for healthy range of 19.

But this isn't really about her weight. I see the weight as a physical indicator of bigger individual and social issues within the US. First off, any show that targets weight loss needs to have trained licensed psychologists as a part of the "health" team just as much as they have doctors and trainers. We are holistic beings that cannot be addressed by just fixing one portion, especially not just the physical exterior. There needs to be a holistic assessment of the needs of these individuals as there should be for all.

Cognitive, behavioral, and environmental aspects all effect what we do daily and over the long term. I believe that what occurred on the biggest loser was a combination of a personal desire for control, perfection, and competitiveness combined with a societal standard that praises those very actions and desires while also holding woman at often unobtainable physical standards.

Many are condemning NBC, The Biggest Loser, and Rachel herself for what occurred in the show but really how can you blame someone for doing exactly what was expected of them. Doing what needed to be done to win the prize. Losing the weight to gain back her self confidence. Becoming a thin, thigh-gap toting, woman. Yes, something should have been done by the network, the show, and personally by the contestant but there are so many other factors here that it does not seem fair or helpful to attack Rachel solely. If anything I pretty much agree with those that say she will gain the weight back now that she has "won" the show. What I worry about is the message that is delivered that to "win" you have to go to any extreme necessary. Health and wealth are about more then looking good and having monetary assets.

It's time for a change America.
-Rose